get into it

Right before my end-of-summer allergies hit, I generally have a spiritual crisis of some sort.

Maybe it's residual panic left over from the end of summer vacations. Maybe it's something to do with my birthday. Whatever the reason, I get panicky around the first of August way down deep in my soul.

Usually I don't even notice until I'm well into it. Reading books obsessively like the answer to life is in one of them. This year I had a spiritual crisis in statuary. I bought a Buddha, an Om, rearranged the little altar in my bedroom a hundred times--tarot cards, no tarot cards, amethyst, no amethyst. Some tightly locked place in my brain still believes that somewhere there's a "right answer" for how to live my life. (And apparently set decoration is key!)

A lot of it comes back to control. I want things to be fixed, to be static, to stay put so I can keep my eye on them. I'd love to have the secret formula on how to move through life effortlessly so I can get on to other things. What 'other things' those would be besides life? I have no idea...

Luckily these desperate, seeking brain storms don't last as long as they used to, nor are they as severe. Usually, I get through them to find myself back at my center.

This year, the biggest message I got from all my poking and prodding is that I need to unplug more. Get my face out of electronic screens and the pages of books and into life. Create rather than consume. Question rather than answer. Act rather than contemplate.

Every day I feel it more: time is slipping away. 'Today' is the answer to the question of how to live life. This is not a rehearsal. There is no strategic planning phase. This ol' world is just one big improv. Time to loosen up...