darkness falls across the land

The Winter Solstice has finally arrived--the shortest, darkest day of the year.

It's been a tough one for a lot of folks around me.  Fatigue, depression, and general weather-induced gloom...

Today, however, marks the end.  Today, when Christmas lights blink on hovels and houses across the northern hemisphere, our pagan souls collectively call back the Sun, begging for light and warmth to come near to us once more.

For me the Solstice seems to bring major transformation.  I feel deep and powerful alchemy taking place just below the level of my consciousness.  I'm doing my best to be still, to be present, and to keep my nostrils flared for a whiff of what's cooking.

It seems I'm at a point now where I've been surrendering to the Spirit of the Universe long enough that the detrius and consequence of my earlier choices and actions are starting to wind up and leave open doorways to paths I've never even imagined.  They said this would happen in the Rooms, and like most things I've learned there, words just can't quite nail the actual experience on the head.

So on this Solstice I welcome the darkness as a curtain falling on the end of an act (or perhaps just a scene).  I am grateful for my life and all its curious wonders and entanglements.  I'm grateful for the love I find around me, and I delight in the lights that twinkle encouragingly from the houses and shrubs all around.

Passion, beauty, and love, folks--24 hours at a time...

image: raymond carrance

slowing down

The past six months have been an exercise in exertion.  I have taken on a massive job and done pretty well getting it to a managable state.  The cost has been long hours and a relentless work schedule.

Although it's socially accepted and generally applauded, I can see that my work hyperdrive is at times a compulsive side effect of my alcoholism.  It feeds my desire to be in control, to have proof that I'm worthy of my existence, and sometimes even to avoid feeling my feelings and living my life.

All that said, I truly love the work that I'm doing, and I'm exceptionally grateful to have gainful employment in these crazy economic times.  I just have to remind myself there's more to life than work.  "Work to live" as they say, rather than "live to work"--that's a tough one for me.

Another thing I've noticed over the past few months--I'll work my finger to the bone, my ass off (and any other body part) for someone else, but I don't seem to be able to manage the same level of enthusiasm for activities that benefit me exclusively.  For example, I'll pull an all-nighter to bring a project in under deadline, but I won't take an hour out of my day to go to the gym.  I'll spend days refining a design for a publication or ad, but I won't set apart time to explore my own art.

Of course, this goes back to the matter of balance.  When I slam myself full force 12 and 15 hours a day into work, how can I be surprised that when I do get a moment of free time, I'm too exhausted to do anything but lay around surfing the Internet and watching re-runs of Family Guy?

So as the year winds down, so do I.  My hope is to find a more poetic, seasonal, sensual rhythm for my life.  One that is not quite so frantic and frenetic.  It's something I'm going to have to learn.  Something, ironically enough, I'm going to have to work on.

Passion, beauty, and love, folks--24 hours at a time...