shiver me timbers

"...the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky..."

Big changes in my life these days. 
Startling.  Unnerving.  Refreshing.
An invitation to a much larger world.
Absolute awareness this is my life to live, and nobody else's.

I've learned some survival skills over the past twelve months.
Time to pull them out.
Acceptance.  Surrender. Compassion.

Pushing the river is hopeless. 
There are no answers to be revealed.

One day at a time.
One foot after the next.
Everything unfolding as it should.

"...the fog's liftin', and the sand's shiftin'--I'm drifting on out.  Ol' Captain Ahab, he ain't got nothin' on me now..." 

course correction

It's the new year--in pagan terms anyway.

As the days move on past the pastel egg and crucifix nausea that is easter season, I find myself looking at the horizon and considering my place in the grand scheme of things.

For so long I've lived a life of reaction, manipulation--basing what I do, who I see, and where I go on perceived expectations and imagined criticisms. 

In a month's time, I will have been sober a full year.  I feel more grounded and comfortable in my skin than I have in my whole life.

What becomes more and more apparent to me everyday, however, is that my life and my values are not necessarily aligned.  I've drifted off-course, charting by stars that are not my own.

I'm feeling some dissonance now, some friction.  I have worn deep ruts in my road, but my heart has started singing.  My bliss is calling me up, over, and into the great wide open.

It is my nature, of course, to be impatient, to want to turn on a dime.  This ship, though, will take some time to maneuver in a new direction.  I must be mindful of my wake.  I must find my bearings.  I must trust the stars to steer my way.

All in all, I'm delighted.  I glimpse on the horizon flashes of brilliance--glimpses at a new way of being in the world.  There's a fresh wind at my back.  It's time to raise the sails...

Passion, beauty, and love, folks--24 hours at a time.

among the osos

I rarely go out these days, but last night I agreed to meet some friends for a 'bear event' at a club downtown.

I had a blast.

There's something about bear culture (and leather culture) that seems much more open and friendly than the typical disco stand-and-pose.  I saw lots of folks I hadn't seen in a very long time, and I made some new friends.

The relaxed and sexy atmosphere provided a nice buzz of horniness that is still fluttering at my fringes this morning.  Definitely spring is coming.  I can feel my sap rising (and sinuses clogging!).

More than anything, though, last night I felt totally comfortable in my own skin.  I was awake, sober, and sane for the evening, which made the whole thing that much more enjoyable.  And this morning, I have no hangover, no regrets, and my old compulsive self isn't craving to go back for more, to try and grab and hold onto that feeling--it was just a great evening I thoroughly enjoyed and am completely at peace letting go of as well.

Passion, beauty, and love, folks--24 hours at a time...

mirror mask

Here's what's going on:

The world is a mirror.  Art is a mirror.

Everything I think, everything I feel, everything I want, everything I fear is reflected back at me.  It takes form in the faces of people, in the sounds of their words.  A great, undulating miasma rolling like clouds across the face of god.

Opinions, exegeses, antagonists, and fates--all tales pinned on a very plain donkey.

As if there could be a plain donkey...

These are the days of great unhinging.  My Tower is falling.  A riotous surge of tongues arises.

I wish I could tell you what it's like here. 

It would only be more words.

Funny it seems I'm speaking in riddles, in poetry, but I am not.

Nothing is hidden.  I am clear, fresh, open.

I accept it all.

Passion, beauty, and love, folks--24 hours at a time...