belly of the beast

As you can see in the photo above, weight gain is a side effect of sobriety.

Give up booze and cigarettes, and suddenly ice cream and chocolate take on a whole new role in your universe.

I'm officially 35-40 pounds heavier than when I stumbled into my first AA meeting a year ago.   Part of my spiritual path these days, though, is acceptance.  Embracing my Buddha belly is part of the deal.

I don't particularly prefer carrying around this additional weight.  I don't fit into three quarters of the clothes in my closet.  I "feel" the heaviness when I climb stairs, get up and down off the floor for meditation, and when I lay in bed at night.  Health-wise, it's better than ingesting massive amounts of alcohol and nicotine, but it's not ideal for maximum performance.

Nevertheless, I'm at peace. 

Amazingly, I have the serenity and perspective to realize that I've undergone a profound physical, psychic, and spiritual change over the past twelve months--a period of intense healing.  I'm totally aware that if I get off my butt and exercise, then I'll most certainly shed some weight.  In fact, I've been walking 4 miles a day pretty regularly for the last two or three weeks.

What's different is that I'm not obsessed about making my body look a certain way.  I know it took time to gain weight and it will take time to loose weight.  I know that the results are directly proportionate to the energy I invest.

I am exactly the weight I am supposed to be.  If I wasn't, my weight would be something other than it is.  The very fact of my body is a miracle--with its cells and tissues and follicles and vessels.  It's a miraculous machine of living, moving, ever-changing parts that keeps my blood pumping, my fingers typing, my eyes blinking, and my hair growing.  How amazing that it continues to function after the abuse I've put it through.  How glorious that it serves willingly, totally, and completely as a vehicle for my consciousness.

If truth be known, vanity and lust keep the pressure on to slim down much more than considerations of health, but that's just ignorance on my part.  My body--like the rooms I inhabit, like the world I perceive--is a reflection of my inner state. 

To let my body become flabby and sluggish is to demonstrate a degree of neglect for my own well being.  My body is my point of entry into the physical world.  It's the means by which I get to participate in the sensual experience of life.

But rather than get caught up in didactic judging, berating, and admonishing, I decided to write this post (and include a less-than-flattering pic) as a way of celebrating my existence right now, in this very moment, exactly as I am.

I have much gratitude and joy--enough to set my whole midsection a-jiggle!  Life is a banquet, and as you can clearly see, I'm not one of the poor suckers who is starving to death.

Passion, beauty, and love, folks--24 hours at a time...